I’ve been seeing a fertility specialist and have been given a treatment plan since October for conception. Since October this is a normal morning for me. This doesn’t include the shots I get to administer to myself.. I get to work and look like a damn pill head popping one of these and 4 of those..
Reflecting back on these 4 months I would completely be lying if I told you “it hasn’t been hard” or “there have been small bumps but nothing major.”
Y’all, I had a legit tantrum (yes, like a CHILD) over a couch. Yes, furniture.
::back story:: the hubs and I are super into redoing stuff and me, I would redecorate every month if the budget allowed it. We just completely redid our more formal living room or as I like to call it, my fancy room. I white washed the brick (against my husband’s will 😂) we got our beautiful new floors, I completely designed that fancy collage of photos on the walls, and we purchased a new couch and recliner.
Looks super cute right??
So WHY was I throwing a fit that could only be categorized with terrible two year olds?
It literally alters everything. The way you eat, the way you feel, sleep, REACT to things. As if I didn’t have a filter before
taking all this stuff - I seriously don’t now.
I have never felt less like me then I have these past few months. It’s pretty scary to wake up and not know how you’re day is going to go. Before, I could tell as soon as I woke up if it was going to be a good day or not. Now, it can go from the most shit day to amazing within an hour. Annnndddd back to shit again..
I think my biggest push for opening up and sharing my thoughts on all this is : I feel alone but deep down I KNOW there are other women dealing with some of the exact same feelings as me. Maybe they aren’t fighting with their husband for an hour and a half to purchase a couch that they definitely don’t need. Maybe they aren’t eating like horses every chance they get. Maybe they aren’t crying while out to eat with 12 of their closest friends (yea, I did that too) But they are out there.. and I’m reaching out to say you’re not alone in this!
You’re not alone in the depression.
You’re not alone in feeling like a failure as a woman because you’re body is failing you at this point in time.
You’re not alone in those crazy ass mood swings.
You’re not alone in wanting to give your all to your sweet unborn baby.
You’re not alone in hopes that your husband can try to understand why he picked a woman with these issues when he didn’t have too BUT he loves you through the chaos anyway. ( God bless his sweet, sweet soul! )
Keep your chin up- if you need to cry while grocery shopping, do it! If you need to go to bed at 6 pm because the room won’t stop spinning, do it. If you need to take a lot more time and be a home body, do it. Take care of YOU and what your body is saying!
We will get through this together and still remain ourselves somehow💛
Ashley (& her handsome, supportive, amazing hubs Josh!)