Let me start by saying to all the Mother’s out there “Thank you!” Because of YOU this world continues to go-round without skipping a beat. All of your sleepless nights or nights sharing the bed with your kiddos. Making sure your family is fed with your delicious home cooked meals. Spending hours a week folding mounds of laundry and knowing it is a vicious cycle that isn’t going to end. EVER. Running your insanely busy schedule keeping up with sports and homework like a boss. And in reality all you want is to get a shower longer then 3 minutes or just a moment to sneak away to pee in silence. But then your silence is quickly stolen as soon as your little realizes you are no where in sight. What you do day in and day out is hands down the hardest, most stressful job any human being can take on. You are LITERALLY in charge of human life!
So please know, this letter is in no way downplaying you or your importance. This letter is to simply speak to the women who wish for your madness. The women who have tried for years to conceive and have never even gotten a positive result from one damn test (Uhh me.) The women who have known what it’s like to feel a life inside of them but never got to meet their sweet baby(ies). The women who struggle to conceive their second baby. The women who know the true pain of wanting something SO bad they will go to extreme lengths to just receive a glimmer of hope it could “possibly” happen.
If any of the above scenarios resonate with you - whether it be your own circumstance, maybe a close friend, or family member is going through a similar situation and you want to try and lend a hand - then continue to read on for your survival guide Dos and Don’ts to a childless Mother’s Day.
Make sure you set yourself up for the day! You know today is gonna suck.. start your day off with your favorite music. Take 5-10 minutes to just talk through your emotions out loud. I’ve found getting it all out, even if its just talking to yourself, truly helps you cope. Take your negative energy you wake up with and instead of trying to hide from it- deal with it head on! Suppressing your feelings will just set you up for failure later today, this week, even later this month.
Spend a lot of time on social media! This is a BIG one. You will just end up comparing what “they” have and you don’t. You’ll question why “they” get to enjoy being a momma when you know good and damn well you’d be just as amazing. Comparison is the thief of joy - remember that!
Check on your partner or spouse. You aren’t the only one that wishes today could be a more enjoyable situation. You aren’t the only one that attended countless fertility appointments, were put in awkward situations at the Drs office to never have a positive outcome. Check in with them and make sure they are ok too!
Don’t focus on what you don’t have - rather celebrate what you DO! It’s easy to get hung up on what you don’t have in life. Especially when it’s something you want most. But why torture yourself? You’re better then that! Be thankful for all the good in your life - big and small!
Recognize your triggers. Recognize what upsets you. If going to church and seeing all those sweet families is going to trigger you ( guilty! ) then skip for the day! God will understand, I promise. If going to your Grandmas while the entire family celebrates your cousins newborn baby, call Grandma and let her know you’ll drop by a little later. Protect yourself from your pain! But also realize you are human and if you wanna cry, CRY! There’s nothing wrong with that.
Of course there are a million other ways you can make sure you’re day doesn’t suck as much. But I do think following these few simple steps will help you get through the day SO much smoother. Maybe you’ll even feel a little proud by the end of the day knowing you got through another tough day for the childless.
As you know, my husband and I have spent years trying to conceive with no luck. Days like today are so, so sad. I try to get better with each passing year to be grateful when I’m feeling down because we do have a pretty amazing life. And I am in a sense a momma - to my three amazing fur babes. And my husband at times haha! Just don’t tell him I said that!
So I want to wish a BIG Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms at heart, all the kick ass aunts out there, all the big sisters who helped their mommas in raising the younger kiddos ( my big sis was THE best!), all the godmothers and we can’t forget the role models like the wonderful teachers and family friends! Happy Mother’s Day to the mothers experiencing the grief of losing a child, the mother’s who have stepped up and are raising their grand babies, the mothers of miscarriage and the mommas waiting for their adoption to be finalized. The furry kid moms whether it’s dogs or llamas. (I seriously want a llama you guys!) The step moms and the in-law mommas!
And last but definitely not least - my momma! I wouldn’t be half of the strong willed, ambitious, stubborn woman I am today without her. My mom is the hardest working woman I’ve ever met. She is seriously my best friend. She has made me believe I can conquer the world in my lifetime and I don’t plan on letting her down!
Have an amazing Mother’s day - and remember even if you aren’t a Mother that doesn’t mean today can’t still be your day! Celebrate the mother you WANT too and hopefully eventually will be!
*check out how BIG my niece and nephew have gotten! Even if I never experience motherhood for myself - these two definitely help make that quite alright!